Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who completely won you over, pursued you tenaciously, and made outlandish pronouncements about their feelings for you only to learn afterwards that they had a girlfriend or boyfriend all along? Why Do Narcissists Cheat?
What about the ex who texted you while in bed with their spouse to check in on you? Or the dubious partner who perpetually appeared to vanish for days before reappearing with justifications for their whereabouts?
You might have encountered a sociopathic or narcissistic personality type. Emotional and physical adultery are common behaviours among sociopaths and narcissists. Narcissists are serial cheaters in relationships in addition to being players and pick-up artists in the dating scene.
Even when there is pleasure in the current relationship, a wealth of data indicates that narcissism is positively connected with having extramarital affairs and more sexually permissive attitudes about infidelity.
The narcissist is different from the average cheater in that they aren’t simply looking for cheap thrills; they are also looking for power and control that are unfathomable to regular empathic humans.
Narcissists build harems or fan clubs of admirers, ex-lovers, and potential mates that they can feed off of while still maintaining a committed relationship with a primary partner due to their astounding lack of empathy, propensity for exploitation, thirst for validation, and need for narcissistic supply (sources of admiration, praise, sex, and any other resources they desire).
They are constantly looking for approval and attention. This makes them dangerous predators who put their partners at a high risk for mental and physical repercussions when combined with their sense of sexual entitlement.
Their abilities to deceive several victims, manipulate and produce fabrications over an extended period of time, and gaslight their victims into believing in them is what makes them such top performers.
Since they can so successfully portray a false mask and bend reality in so many different ways, their victims may experience severe cognitive dissonance as a result. They are able to fool society at large—as well as their partners—by posing as the charming, morally upright, and honest individuals they profess to be.
Here are five indicators that you might be dating or otherwise committed to a narcissistic cheater.
1. They are always the victim
Watch out for the egotistical narcissist who engages in hypocrisy and contradiction. The covert narcissist has a pattern of continuously claiming to be honest and reliable while consistently breaking their word. This is another form of self-obsession.
It can be a warning sign when someone repeatedly expresses how much they value honesty and integrity. Why would someone who actually embodies these virtues feel the need to affirm them to people around them?
Genuinely honest people demonstrate their integrity more through their deeds than through their words, therefore they don’t always need to talk about it.It’s likely that someone is lying if they seem too wonderful to be true.
Narcissists frequently pose as innocent lambs. They present a different version of themselves to the world than they actually are. They frequently use absolutes while talking about how they would never cheat or lie to you. They exaggerate their reliability since they are aware of the flaws in their character.
While non-narcissists are capable of doing this as well, narcissists who are serial cheaters frequently offer details about how they were cheated on early on. In their previous relationships, they routinely committed infidelity, therefore they are doing this to make themselves out to be the innocent victims.
Be wary of anyone who appears to be cheating while also asserting that they were the victims of cheating. This is gaslighting and projection to make you uneasy and make you doubt your own judgments about their character.
2. Cancel dates and appointments without explanation
If you’re dating a narcissist exclusively in the beginning, you could notice that he or she frequently disappears without saying goodbye or changes arrangements at the last minute (or makes plans with you last minute).
You might think that this is just flakiness, but it could also be an indication that they are buried in other dates or actively seeking out new victims.
Even if you both agreed to be exclusive, narcissists frequently date other people while still seeing you. Due to their strong sense of entitlement, narcissists believe they are entitled to both the thrill that fresh supply gives them and any other resources provided by their other harem members, such as sex.
“The tendency of breaking promises and commitments is another characteristic of the chronic narcissist. This might range from very little things like missing appointments and tasks to more significant things like ignoring important obligations and relationships (commitments).
Because they are egotistical and self-centered, narcissists typically fulfil their obligations only when it is in their best benefit to do so. Chronic narcissists don’t relate; instead, they manipulate. They talk a fine game, but they frequently fall short in practise.
Be aware of anyone who frequently cancels on you or who infrequently provides consistent responses. With a narcissist, there is no such thing as dependability, punctuality, or honesty; they will rotate among their numerous romantic interests to suit their needs at random and they won’t care how much pain or inconvenience they cause their partners when they cancel plans the day of or when they lie to them.
Cheating narcissists frequently pursue their other targets during times when they are giving you the silent treatment in violent long-term partnerships where stonewalling is typical. This is why you’ll discover that the narcissist would urge you to take a break or even make up a fight only to get out of the relationship while they consider their other possibilities.
3. They use social media to there advantage
Social networking is a tool that sociopaths and narcissists use to set up love triangles among their targets. Knowing that they have so many supporters who are prepared to go above and above to shower them with the praise and attention they so desperately need gives them a sense of validation and authority.
Different manifestations of this shady online conduct exist. Even when they are committed, narcissists are known to use dating apps and are capable of engaging in overt flirting both online and offline.
Their dubious actions can range from their illicit use of dating apps to less sinister internet activity. The narcissist may put oddly provocative or flirtatious remarks on the images of other attractive men or women.
Maybe they don’t want to put up a relationship status with you or if they do, they do it anyway but keep openly hitting on other people or add new suspicious friends that seem to be much more than simply friends.
They might also follow a lot of accounts that are sexually graphic. It’s time to reconsider if someone you’re exclusively dating (or even simply flirting with) appears to be in several relationships on social media while insisting you’re the only one.
It’s best to not believe the narcissist when they claim to be no longer with someone but still have a relationship status posted with them. Either confirm with the other person that the connection is truly finished, as the narcissist claims, or entirely distance yourself from the narcissist.
You can even encounter a narcissist who is not on any social media platforms. After all, if none of their other partners are aware that the narcissist is in a relationship, it will be much difficult to be discovered in the internet age. This may be a strategy for them to protect themselves.
4. Past victims will locate and warn you
This is a rather clear indicator, although it isn’t one that is frequently discussed. Take a step back if you notice odd behaviours from prior victims that the narcissist has dated, such as calling them out in public or going out of their way to warn you about them.
If a narcissist has a large number of victims, it is typical for at least a few of them to make an effort to speak candidly about their experiences.The narcissist will accuse those who are criticising them of being insane liars or stalkers.
They will lament how their former victims were fixated on them or that they simply couldn’t let go during their slander campaigns. Past narcissist victims are simple to paint as crazy, and the narcissist is aware of this.
They will lie about victims before they reach out to warn you or present their side of the story, making you more likely to trust the narcissist by the time they do.The individual in question is actually warning you for a good reason—they likely went through the infidelity themselves and want to spare present and future victims the pain.
Don’t jump to the conclusion that every ex-lover who emerges from hiding is only out for revenge. Narcissist survivors are frequently devastated and searching for explanations, not because they are obsessed.
5. You find out there lies and wild stories are just like them – “Smoke and Mirrors”
Sociopaths and narcissists are experts at pathological lying. Being able to deceive so many of their potential romantic partners gives them a sense of duping joy. They may occasionally tell lies to keep themselves safe and avoid getting caught cheating.
They may make up stories about where they were the night before or the identity of the “friend” they were spotted with.However, on other occasions, people might lie despite having absolutely no justification to do so. For them, influence over someone else’s perception provides a rush and a cruel sense of superiority and pleasure.
A narcissist or sociopath has no qualms about lying to your face about adultery while hammering home how much they appreciate honesty and openness. They might be (at least on the surface) committed to a spouse, their primary girlfriend or boyfriend, or even another person.
Perhaps they even share romantic photos on social media with their special someone and give them admiration. They will, however, have no qualms with betraying and deceiving the same partners.
Additionally, they lack any moral principles that would forbid them from engaging in the unimaginable behaviour. They have no time restrictions or restrictions on where, when, how, or even who they can cheat with.
They might be spending a romantic trip in Italy with you while sending obscene videos to random people on Tinder. Or, if you are not their primary partner, they might take you out on weeknights while spending the weekends with their girlfriend. If you didn’t start looking into it, you would never know.
The possibility of being discovered when they do this heightens the pleasure. They like to manipulate. They take pleasure in the sex, the wealth, and the never-ending stream of admiration that comes their way. But above all? They like the fact that they can get away with it.
How to Respond When You Discover the Truth
You should be aware that this person is unlikely to change if you detect these warning signs. It wasn’t personal how they handled you; they do this to all of their victims and have no loyalty to anyone, not even their main partner.
It was not your fault that this predatory mentality chose to prey on you. What you choose to do with your newfound information, though, is crucial. The sooner you distance yourself from this toxic personality, the greater your chances are of recovering and going on to the devoted partner you genuinely deserve.